I don't know why I keep torturing myself like this. Admitted to my mother that I recognize I have a problem. She to say the least was not surprised. Told me she tried getting me into the hospital for anorexia but they were full. I dont remember that.
I "recovered" again which just means that I tried to eat at least one meal a day but still the calories kept skipping through my head. I haven't used a scale in a month. I'm scared. I think I might go pick mine up.
According to a calculator online 105 is considered an "anorexic" weight for my height. Which just seems silly because 105 to me is still fat. I know that's wrong. I know its wrong but its fat.
Huge.
Disgusting.
Ok maybe not disgusting but what id give to be 97 again. 2 more pounds and I would've been 95. Just two.
Fucking failure.
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