I am not a person

I am not a person
I'm a non entity that has somehow attained this body
when I look in the mirror I don't see what I feel is "me"
Sometimes when its bad enough, I think...
Who used to own this body I am told is mine?
I don't see it as me.
Maybe I should let her free...
Suicide
Is it that risky?
This body isn't mine
I think
I probably just need sleep
but so does she

Hollywood Undead - Bullet (Lyric Video)

Ignorance will be my suicide

Yes please ignore the massive influx of scars, burns and cuts on my body and continue to ignore my continued refusal for food and claims I'm ok when you fucking know I'm not.
That's fine.

Time flies

Last time I weighed myself I had lost 20 lbs since my last post which seems like nothing. Some days I think I look kind of good and other days I'm disgusting lard.
Kind of got to laugh at it otherwise I don't know what I'd do.
I was going to make a pizza today since the most I've eaten in a few weeks was one taco for three days and a few bites at thanksgiving.
I've switched to diet mixers with my vodka. If anything I'll hopefully quit drinking ha!
I had two nuggets today and two fries. And I managed to stay away from any non diet drinks.
Tonight I'm going to put new batteries in my scale so I can weigh myself in the morning.
I hope it's ok.
Been cutting and burning myself a lot recently.
Once I get my car back I'll probably still try to walk to work as much as possible I'm going to say it's to play pokemon Go but we both know I'm lying...

Sigh

I want to kill myself all the time. I cant not self harm for more than a few weeks.
Im in love and happy but i still cant shake my suicidal urges.
I have a gofundme to help with getting a better job to afford my previous bills and to help me be less scared to go for my dreams. That and... I reject hanging out with anyone out of fear...
I just want to be able to afford having time to breathe so i can go to college.
My gofundme link gofundme.com/FightingMe

Had a potpie

281 cals total including the vodka. Good on me.

Day one

~297 clories total
Tomorrow i cook mini potpies for the babe and his dad. Hope i dont eat any of it. Maybe ill have some chicken...
Hair bleaching and dance time.

So tired from work...