Sigh

I want to kill myself all the time. I cant not self harm for more than a few weeks.
Im in love and happy but i still cant shake my suicidal urges.
I have a gofundme to help with getting a better job to afford my previous bills and to help me be less scared to go for my dreams. That and... I reject hanging out with anyone out of fear...
I just want to be able to afford having time to breathe so i can go to college.
My gofundme link gofundme.com/FightingMe